No Turning Back

She was a smart girl. So far she had little problem in understanding what her teachers would teach her in class. Even if she had problems, her tuition teachers would sort it out for her. But her real problem, she just discovered, wasn't in the books, and it certainly wasn't from school.

It was packing.

She hated packing. Whenever she packed, she'd never know where to stuff the shirts, the soap bars, pants, bible and stuff. She'd just envy her mother especially after seeing how capable she is in packing the bags. Her mom would just have enough space for almost everything necessary. How she folded it, how she packed it, squeezed it between the zips and shirts, compressing the bag slowly and steadily, and finally zipping it up into one nicely packed bag with everything inside. The question that she'd always ask her, "So how do I get the things back inside after taking it out?"

"That," her mom would reply suavely, "you figure it out yourself."

Maybe that was the real problem after all. It wasn't the process of packing that she mine about, it was the implications and the reason she packs that bothers her. Every time she packed, it was about going away. Going to somewhere new for something different for some time. Every time she had to zip up the bag with loads of clothes and soap, it hit her hard that she will be away from home. From the comfort of the bed, from the security of the family, from the voices of her parents, from the people that she loves, from the little things that make her smile and laugh.

Earlier on a friend called up to chat with her before she leaves. "Ready to go?"

No..

Few weeks prior to her NS, she thought she was ready. She thought she was excited. She thought she was going to go for a 3 month summer camp. Her friends told her how fun it was. Flying fox was the best of it all! Don't miss it! Training is easy.. don't worry about it.. they don't torture you.. no no no, it's not a boot camp like the ones in Singapore.. don't worry!!

She thought she wasn't worried.

Maybe not.

Finally zipping up her bag, she sits down to take a breath. She is clearly aware that she has no chance to look back at what she will do. In another 12 hours, she will be on the bus to a camp far away from home, far away from the nearest city with a Jusco, far away from her nest and bed. She will be far in the physical distance, but never too far away from the people that upholds her in prayer.

She knows that very well. She's a clever girl after all, and she thought about that a long time ago.

That gave her some assurance, that no matter how bad things could be, there still will be someone that will never forget her. That at the back of her mind, she plopped her head on the bed and staring into the ceiling blankly, wondering what NS will mean to her in the next 3 months to come.