Lady of Peace 3 - Voice of Her Thoughts

I love seeing her work and think. It's much different from her usual self of fun, laughing, smiling, jumping around like a little puppy or fooling around like no one's business. It's just something so different, something so unusual about her. Seldom do you get such golden opportunity to see her being quiet or in the state of thoughtfulness, and that Sunday morning I had that chance apart from the times she studies in Pastor's house. (Caleb claims that when she studies she speaks in tongues.. I make no attempt to refute that)

We were supposed to write a letter to ourselves. It was meant to be a resolution or change that we desire in ourselves, and we were writing a new covenant to God about how we want to change or be changed. I finished mine in light speed of course - if not I wouldn't be here writing about how she was working.

Sitting against a wall, she was just deep in her own thoughts. Scribbling away in her trademark illegible handwriting, she kept writing and writing. Peeking over her shoulder in a split second, I could make out that she was kinda writing a 'poem' - again to my amaze and amuse - what it was about, only God and her knows.

Seeing her being quiet reminds me of how she, despite all the noise and laughter she makes and can make, has been a friend best in her quietest of ways. Sometimes many only see her as a girl who's fun and always smiling, but how many has seen her with her listening ears on and up?

At least I have.

Just recently during the Valentine's CA celebration, I partnered her for a duet. It was a song that we, Amanda and Caleb composed together for the occasion. It was about how a man was supposed to celebrate his Valentine's Day with a girl that he loved, and failing to do so, was weeping beside the road until a Man came up to him, pat him on the shoulder reassuringly and reminding him that He was the true Valentine.

Trust me, I regretted opening my mouth to sing. My voice was so bad, I was lousy at singing from birth, I was half panting as I sang since I haven't completely recovered from the mad rush upon reaching church at the nick of time, and.. it was just plain bad.

The worst part was that I killed Erin's song. She sang fantastically well, it was an angel's voice, but her partner killed it. Her ridiculously lame partner couldn't sing at all. Her lame partner can do anything except sing, and on that special night where she was supposed to sing he sang. (He as referring to me, definitely.)

I honestly felt terrible. I felt awful to spoil her song. During the post mortem meeting the folks tried to sound encouraging by not bringing up about how my voice spoiled the song, yet I could still sense their disappointment over the song. At least they did praise her about her superb voice. Feeling bad, I apologised to her. I told her that I was very very and truly sorry about spoiling her song, and reminded her that she still sounded terrifically good with or without the miserable back-up.

Her reply?

"I didn't say anything also! Why apologise?" Then she just trotted off in her typical girl-like way of walking.

Now I know what it's like to disappoint someone important to you.

It reminded me of what happened during our church's Christmas Carnival. I was supposed to do a Lame Dance for 30 seconds on stage, and I was dancing to the song Ain't No Mountain High Enough, and she was the one singing. After the bell rang, signalling us to start, all I heard was the crowd clapping for a good ten seconds. I looked at her, wondering what was going on. That wasn't what we planned.. Then she came in late and was a bit off the script.

Later on she told me that she forgot the lyrics. I sighed, but I couldn't blame her. There were a lot of people, the pressure on her was great, and besides she only had nothing more than 10 hours to practice. After all, I was the one that was supposed to do the whole 30 second show on my own, and the mere fact that she was more than willing to help, I should've been grateful. She asked whether I was disappointed, I denied, but she again insisted that I was and felt bad for the next whole hour.

Now I know what she felt back then.

But perhaps, the greater thing that I learned from that time, was how she never discouraged others no matter how bad they perform a certain task. She may have been equally disappointed as others, she may have wondered why she of all people a moron would want to sing with her, and even if that was what she thought or felt, she never revealed it. By nature, she has always been encouraging and inspiring people to continue to try harder and always give everything they do the best shot.



Thursday night during CA I noticed something. Coming in late as she was ushering back in Akasia, she walked to the stage and crept up to every single person - except me, *sigh* - and whispered something into their ears. It didn't take me long to find out what she whispered to them really, because after engaging in a short and low-key conversation, the people that she talked to immediately - literally - smiled and was evidently more at ease. One by one she went behind them, asked them how were they doing, encouraged them by telling them that they were doing a wonderful job, and told them to keep it up. That was again, another first time I saw her doing things like that, and personally I felt that her doing made a big difference to the whole worship team on a whole.

Simply amazing.

Combining encouragement and forgiving, it would be grace. Exactly what she has been. The one true thing about her that sometimes just makes me stand from far in awe, is how she uses the simplest of things to make the most out of anything. As mentioned in an earlier post, it's nothing for her to make a million expressions out of her 2 eyes, round nose and small mouth. She can make an angry and cute face in the same time, she can frown until she laughs, and she can flash a Colgate-award-winning smile a split second after she scolds you.

But the best thing she could ever do for anyone, is to listen.

Though having the best voice in the world, though having the sweetest smile in INTEC, though being the most fantastic and brilliant girl in CA, it's just her to use neither of it to make a difference in the people around her. What she truly does to the CA is by being there for all of them. She may never have the best advice for people, she may never know what is best for a person when they are in trouble, but she surely knows that the best thing she could do for anyone in distress is to listen.

And when one is not in distress, all that it takes for them to keep moving forward and onward, is that little creeping behind their back, patting them on the shoulder, and whispering the simplest and yet most meaningful words into their ears, softly and gently. Careful to never push things down their will or force them out of misery, she never insists of having her way. Though there were times that she will want certain things desperately, with the typical noisy girl whining and begging, after a while if it's more about other people than herself, she was always ready to give in.

When I smsed her that my aunty told me how beautiful she was, she simply replied that she was more interested in the inner and spiritual beauty that would last, unlike the physical beauty that will fade. It never interests her. It took me a little while longer to understand that her beauty, though existed in outwardly, yet the truest of it can always be seen quietly in her deep state of thoughts, her powerful voice kept in her little body, and above it all her words that spells grace and life to those who hear it.