Giving Up

I'm not the typical person to give up, and the only time I would do so is either when I feel that it becomes pointless to persist or pursue, or when the times get to hard on me until it hurts.

And in this case, the reason would be an overlapping of both.

For months and years I've tried too hard to be someone I'm not, something I myself can't understand, and play a role that I'm tired of playing. That is a role of pretending. Pretending that I'm always happy with the way things are, satisfied with how people treat me, enjoying the company of people that often neglect me. Because deep down, I've been crying for so long because it just hurts to know that people that you actually love no longer love you as much, or that the ones that you truly care for have forgotten you, or that you are merely a second class friend to many people around.

Coz the fact is, that I'm not the type of person that would often be likable. That's simple. Because I'm short and not good looking, because I'm loud and speak up my mind, because I look scary when I'm serious, and of course, because I'm often too authoritative and speak with a commanding voice.

Too long I've tried to be a friend to people that are scared of me. Too many times I've been there for people who never did really care about me. Too often I go the extra mile for those who would take me for granted. But they know that I still would do all those even if they never think I'd care.

And now, I officially declare, that I could no longer be bothered, and I refuse to allow myself to be hurt by the actions of the people I care. Not by caring less, but by not caring about their reactions. That I still stand beside them when they need me and i just leave them when they don't want me. That's exactly what I'm going to do from now onwards.

Frankly, it's only because they don't understand that I am accountable to a force greater than Man. It's simply due to the fact that they don't comprehend the magnitude of responsibility that is upon my shoulders. And of course, they don't see the times I have to be with others more than themselves.

Thus, I miss out opportunities in being the nice guy, the best friend, or the brother that many have always dreamt of. As a result of that, I no longer am the one that people like. After all, I was never the likable one. He was, the guy wearing specs and shorts. The other one is more good looking than me, the one who just had a hair cut (unlike my shearing of hair)

I'm too tired to give a damn now about all these. So just leave me alone if you're gonna compare about who's the nicer guy, or who you're gonna spend more time with, coz I'm too tired and hurt to know any more.

Yes, you know who you are.

And it's just going to be too bad if you can't accept me. I don't desire your acceptance, but I won't mind the extra friend that comes with that price of acceptance. Deep down, I do wish I had friends that look beyond 'being likable'. I'm just not that guy. And I'm terribly sorry if you're disappointed. And yes, I'm crying as I type this.

But I'll be fine. As usual. Just need to ventilate once in a while. And if you're going to condemn me for ventilating, just close this browser or go to someone's else blog. Just leave me alone if you have nothing nice to say.