"God, Amaze me"

Literally that was what I said on the first night of Planet Shakers concert. The message was simple and straightforward, 'When was the last time God amazed you?' And I responded. Fine time you amaze me now Lord. AMAZE, not AMUSE..

It was a real bad week for me. If any week could have been worse, it would have been that particular week. First was the NHSD Debate in IMU. Me and my teammate perpetually screwed up anything that could've been screwed in that debate. Wrong approach to the motion, lousy mechanism, poor extensions, no clash of debate... and we ended up hitting rock bottom. It was a devastating moment for me, especially when I had sweet wonderful dreams of actually being a good and known debater before I leave INTEC.. at that point of time, I thought all of those dreams were going to go down the drain.

Before I could even lick those wounds, in came another bomb, and a larger one. I found out that the girl I love - who claimed that she loved me too at one point of time - left me for 2 other guys.. the first thing that came across my mind was, what the heck?!? Not one but two?? Gosh.. nothing beats that, but wait, why did she go for those guys? Apparantly the same reasons. More good looking, richer, nicer, more fun to be with.. haha, I didn't know I was such a boring person to be with at times. Yup, it's my fault that my parents are poor, it's my fault that I have so many pimples on my face, it's my fault that I didn't eat enough when I was younger that's why I'm so short now. It's all my fault, and I should just accept the fact that she left me for better guys. After all, I've let go of her, have I?

I'm not sure. At that point of time, maybe not yet. But I assure you, after I found out that truth, any chance or possibility of a relationship was sent to the gullotine.

And there I was that night on Planet Shakers concert, challenging God to amaze me. In the most confronting tone, I said to God, "Come on dude, come on! Amaze me, let's see what you can do!"

Then I started to weep softly. It's been such a long time since I let out some tears, but there I stood and cried softly. No one noticed coz it was dark. Jason was beside me, and he was praying himself, but I was crying. And I cried because it was just too much for me. For 'her' to leave me, it was a heavy blow dealt to me. I didn't know what to do from that point onwards, I didn't know how to face my fears or my pain. It hurt so badly, and yet I had to move on.. but how?

And I was devastated, I was in agony, I was in pain.

It hurt so much and so badly.

Then the voice.

How many girls have you liked before? How many has caught your eyes and captured your heart?

I counted, since the first girl I seriously liked back in Standard 4 till the last one that just left me..

7 Lord.. I know, it's not very good...

Enough is enough, 7 is complete. Wait for the one that I'm about to give you, wait upon me and not upon the world. For what I give is perfect.

Fuyoh. No joke man, a promise that the next one will be The One if only I wait upon God and let him bring her to me.. Cool! But have to wait, and this time I'll learn my lesson.

Then I saw flashes of images. Many many images that kept flashing in my eyes even as my eyes were closed and praying. First I saw my heart in my hand. It was still beating, but it was dark and looked a bit dirty, was torn, tatted, bruised, cut, full of scars and fresh open wounds. In front of me was a tall figure clad in white. He stretched forth his hand and motioned me to give him my heart. I was reluctant, come on it's my heart, why should I give it to you. But then I sensed such love and security in that gesture, that I slowly put my heart into his hands. 'Now I have no heart..' And as soon as I gave him my heart, he took out a new heart from behind. It was really new, beating even harder than the first, it was fresh, it was blood red, it had no wounds, no cuts, no tears. Nothing, it was new and beautiful.

The new heart.

Then in front of me was a large door. I opened the door and saw a field with no borders inside the door. It had long grass and lots of flowers, but the flowers that were most abundant there were roses. As I walked along the field, something prompted me to pluck some roses and make a bouquet of roses. So I plucked one stock, but the thorns of the rose pricked my fingers. It hurt obviously, and I threw the rose. My fingers started to bled, and I was not going to pluck another one when the same voice prompted me to go ahead and make the bouquet of roses. So I bore the pain and just plucked the roses even if it pricked me. And to make matters worse, I had to remove the thorns from the stocks of roses to make a bouquet of roses. By the time I was done, both my palms and my fingers were bleeding already.

I looked up from where I stood and saw a huge oak tree - like the ones you see in movies - with a swing tied to a large branch. On the swing was a girl. Long straight silky hair, fair skin, and dressed in a white flowing gown. I couldn't really catch a glimpse of her face, so well.. *sigh* And as I approached the swing I handed her the bouquet of roses. She took the roses from my hands and saw that my hands were bleeding. She asked me, why were my hands bleeding? I told her, the thorns pricked my hands. And she washed my hands..

p/s: As I said, these were flashes of images, I couldn't make up where she got the things she needed to wash my wounds, but that's what she did..

While cleaning my wounds, I noticed that everytime she wiped her hands across the wounds, one layer of dead skin and dried up blood would just fall off from my hands. (Literally, fall off) And when she finished cleaning the wounds, I looked at my hands.. no more wounds! No scars, no marks, no traces of the wounds..

WOW

Oh yea, one more thing.. her hands were soft. Really really soft.

Then the message that dawned to me: She will be the one that will make you not just everything you are, but she will come in and take the pain of your past away, and exchange it for the joy and assurance. That is the girl that I (God) will give you.

And I cried again. This time it were tears of joy and gratefulness that fell off my eyes in a dark corner of the concert hall..

Thank you Lord, I am amazed. It's been a long time, but it's never too late.