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It's been such a long time since I've last been home. 8 weeks and counting. I couldn't believe that I still and actually haven't went home since I came down to Shah Alam. It's been debates, CA, church, studies, debates, more debates, nothing but debates, and even more debates. INTEC Cup is coming up, and it's not a good thing for me. Have never been pushed any harder.
I'm tired. I seriously am tired. So tired until I just wished that my bed was a 20 inch thick wool or feather mattress that I can just sink into it and fade away, or simply drown in the comfort of sleep. When have I last rested completely?
Doesn't matter. That's the price I have to pay for having people that need me.
Not that I'm complaining. I enjoy helping people. I love the fact that I could contribute something in helping someone get better or solve their problems. You become part of the celebration, you share the joy when a brother or sister actually gets well don't you? Same here..
It's just that, right now, at this point of time, I need that someone.
Erin's equally exhausted. I've already tired her out like mad. Couldn't ask more from her. Sometimes, somethings can just never be explained. Just can't understand myself, just can't understand the things that I'm going through, and at those times, she helps me get back to where I last left off at. She helps me to get up and get back on my feet. But even now, she's burdened, she's burnt out, she's tired too. She too needs to be there for other people, and I don't want to be that extra part of her shoulder.
It's only August. There's still September to November. For me, there's still the debates. The debates will never end. There's still CA. The calling is always heard at the corner of my ears. There's still church. The service of God is always seen in my eyes.
But all I'm asking, is to have a dream. To dream like a normal person that sleeps every night. To live normal. To be able to sleep without worrying about tomorrow, or to sleep from thinking about what to do in a situation.
All I'm asking, is that someone will just save the candle's last tear, as it burns out, as it's light fades into the darkness, as the shining assimilates into the emptiness of the night, that someone will take back those tears and make a new candle altogether. A candle can never burn forever, but what is left makes the essence of a new candle. Who will take what's left of me, and create new essence?
I'm just tired people. Tired. It's been such a long and lonely run, and in the process of that run, I've lost a lot of things. Time, people, life, laughter, love. Not much's left now. But I'm savouring whatever that's left. At least, this journey has taught me to never take for granted what we have now.
I miss home. I'm coming home. Soon.
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12 comments:
hey dere u sound seriously exhausted even in your post.. could somehow sense the tiredness in the way u put ur words.
no matter how tired, how frantic or chaotic, how exhausting or watsoever, know where to draw ur strength from.
dun tired urself out too much. not healthy and it makes it even harder for listen to His whispers at times. try to take things one at a time. focus. let go of certain responsibilities if u have to. pick it up later when u are more capable. go slow. dun jump into every situation and burnt urself out.
i'm sure u know where i'm leading to. juz dun wanna see u all burnt out like this. not a very good reflection u know. but hey i know tt u'll make the best desicion whatever it may be. God Bless :)
take care ya,
cheers!
Take me home country road.......
thanks allie... reali reali appreciate it.
yes sihan.. can't wait.
'To the place.. I belong'
thanks dudes.
heyy =) going back this coming hols? (like this coming thurs or fri hehe).. just hang in there, do what i do..highlight ur nov-jan hols with the brightest blinding-est highlighter and u'll be like.. bersemangat to the max for the whole day =)(make sure u cancel out all those annoying tests n exams dates in between tho with liquid paper.) take care, c ya at college.
hey bro,dun burden urself wit everything la,there is always a time 2 give n take,i cant say much coz ur situation is obviously much worse than mine,but i'l b praying 4 u k?take care n hope 2 see u soon..mayb v cud hang out n shoot some hoops,catch a couple of movies..hehe..luv ya bro,juz dun overtire urself k??dun fall sick-like i did..wakakaka..muakx..
hang on there dude...
God has His will on everyone o us n He will never give us sth tat is beyond our abilities..... Everyone of us got our own problems and tat is d time His will is to be done... Praise Him for u r still able to sreve Him
lol DAD DUN SO EMo EmO pls!
I KNOW U CAN MAKE IT ONE!!
CHEERS!
ej
such an elaborate manner of telling everyone you're tired and need help...
I like this post, especially the way you wrote about the candle. Honestly, I haven't thought that the candle had tears, and the way you described it was artistically interesting. Work on it. I can see you improving from the last posts. Perhaps, you might never know, you can be a good author in the future? Who knows?
And about tiresomeness, sometimes it is good and healthy to feel tired, because I do too. It seems like whatever effort I've put in goes to the graves, and none would even notice it. And similarly, I agree that it is a pleasure to help people, and the feeling I get when helping people is priceless and more than describable. But here is one thing: Know what is your concern to help. Do not flush yourself into every problem people have that surfaces before you, because before you know, you find yourself exhausted and lonely. I'm not saying that you cannot help others, it's just that sometimes the best way to help is to stand aside and cheer the person on than putting your hands into it.
But I see a nobility in your character. Indeed, you are a good friend, and don't worry. Smile. Behind every dark cloud is a silver lining. Perhaps from this tiresomeness, God is opening something for you to take note of, or God is showing you something you ought to catch. Messages from God, sometimes, are like blazing torches right before you, with the fire waltzing as the wind blows by. But no matter how furiously the fire dances, it is your eyes that determines what you choose to see, and what you choose to be blind to. Ask God, in tiresomeness, what is He showing you, and ask for strength; for if God is for us, who can be against us?
Sometimes, I have witness through many situations of my life whereby tiresomeness is one of the dynamics to character growth. Take it positively. And if you ever need a friend to understand your needs, and if in any way I can help, I will do so (fuyoh, offering help to somebody I barely know), but yeah, that's what Christians do for each other. And be assured, Jesus hears your cries, tiredness, and frustrations.
Life was never meant to be a bed of roses, nor a smooth sailing adventure. It was a bed of thorns, a sail of storms. It was meant to be unpredictable, as fickle as the wind, but through every storm that blasts before us, after every thunder that shatters the darkened sky of ours, we find a paradise where a smile is genuine, not forced. And that is how you learn to be a better person, and to understand what your friends might say in the future that they are tired, you know how to encourage them and hold their shoulder up high, and say, "Friend, I am here for you. I understand what you're going through, and I will stand by and for you. Take heart, this journey is ours, not yours alone, but ours."
Every experience is a new teacher, teaching a new lesson, with a better explanation. Heed it, and think through. God loves you, remember that.
Sometimes helping a person doesnt mean that u have to do sth to solve the whole problem...even sth as simple as sending an sms with encouragement and bible verses will help the person emotionally and spiritually as well...
About joining activities like debates and intec cup, ion push youself too hard...know where to draw the line...if in doubt,ask God! He will guide you to make the best decision.
Go to God whenever u feel tired, pour out your heart to him, n he will give u rest, sleep, strength and peace.
Psalm 127:2
In vain you rise early
and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for He grants sleep to those he loves.
Proverbs 3:24
when you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Matt 11:28-30
28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light
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