The Light of my Night

Somethings will never change. Some words will always remain in my heart, for a long time, perhaps even forever.

My juniors, after a week's break, invited me out for a nice lunch and a chat after some ice skating.

I will never forget that moment when they spilled out everything. One by one, they told me the concealed words of their hearts, opening up their lock chambers in their minds, allowing me to, for once, take a peek into their thoughts. And as tears were welling not in my eyes but in my heart, I was moved, by their sincerity, their honesty, their attitude and their outlook.

For once, I felt accepted by people who didn't know much about me. No form of rejection or discrimination because of my outward appearance, no sense of isolation towards me because of my past or my background, but just pure acceptance by people who gave me an opportunity to be part of their lives.

The thing that I will always be grateful for, was the chance they gave me.

They gave me a chance not to teach, but to care. They gave me a chance not to lead, but to walk by their sides. They gave me a chance not to debate, but to discuss.

And I am full of gratitude.

A month ago, as I stood in front of this same screen, typing sentences after sentences of sadness and pain, I wondered what was my purpose of going through all that I went through, the worries and the anxiety that was on my mind, the problems I faced throughout the duration of training. The pessimism from friends, the discouraging peers that often hindered me from staying focused to my goals, yet I hang on to what I believe was a calling, because the calling themselves have never gave up on themselves.

I challenged God for a miracle. Show me some signs, show me that You're still there.

Today, this evening, I saw those miracles. Miracles are not in lightnings or in rainbows, miracles were and are always in people. Those around us. Those close to us. Those that put us in a special place in their hearts as we put them in ours. People. Miracles God place in our lives.

Now I know, that I have friends I can trust. Now I know, I have companions that will never betray me. Now I know, that there are 2 seniors I can depend on and a bunch of juniors that I can turn to when the going gets tough. That is the miracle that God has performed in my life. That burst of light in my night that never seems to end, that little rainbow after a long rain.

Thank you people, thank you Si Han and PC. Thank you for being that miracle to me.

And God, I'm sorry. I'll never ask for a miracle again.