When Tears Run Dry

She thought that after the fire, he would be the Him in her life forever. She thought that it was a dream that finally came true. She thought that from that day onwards, she will live happily ever after. She will date him and she will hang out with him in cinemas, lean on his shoulder on heart warming scenes and cling on to his strong arm at fearful parts of the movie. She thought that it's going to be all about flowers, laughter, hugs, kisses and hand holding.

How swift do the wind changes it's direction, so shall the hearts of man.

She was still in high school and was on her way to fellowship with some friends when she saw him talking with some guys. Curious, she stood from a distance and watched him chat with them. From that distance, she clearly saw guys. Taller, more good looking and better built than him.

She thought her heart leapt when she saw both of them.

She picked up her courage and approached them. He smiled as he saw her, but her eyes were just fixed on them. She smiled at them and turned to him. "Your friends?"

"Yeah, my friends. I just invited them over to fellowship."

Oh that's just great!

All of a sudden she forgot all about her little dreams that she had with him. The dreams of going to the cinemas together was disappeared, her little romance story was just shoved to the shelf for the time being. All she had on her mind was the handsome guys in front of her. She chatted happily with them and had a great time them until the fellowship ended. She almost didn't notice that he quietly left to usher other newcomers into the fellowship, but she was just too preoccupied with entertaining them.

After all, I never had this chance to be in the company of such good looking guys for a long long time, she thought.

From that time, he was merely a 'he', no longer the He he once was.

Taking revenge? Not really, just grabbing the opportunities she have in front of her eyes, making up for the lost chances back in her lonely days.

She forgot, that back in her lonely days, it was him who was by her side all that time. She forgot, that in her tears and pain, it was him who was there to comfort her and hear all her whines and groanings or moanings.

See how swift the wind changes it's direction, so shall the hearts of man.

He noticed the change in her. She no longer received her emails or her sms, she no longer had time to spend with him. The fact that he never went out for a date with her ever, and now she just doesn't seem interested to go out with him anymore. Suddenly it was his turn to feel lonely. It was weird, because in the first place it was him who brought her out of her loneliness, but now it just looks like she's putting him into loneliness? Doesn't make any sense does it.

And he called her one evening before she went out for dinner.

"Hey, do you still love me?"

"Uh.. you know.. let's just pray about it ok? You know, both you and I will be heading separate ways after high school, and there's just no certainty of a distant relationship right.. so.. yeah.. hey I have to go soon, parents going out for dinner ok?"

*beep*

He has seen too many of such things, and he knew what that meant. He quietly went back to his room and wept before God.

Lord, it's so not fair, I loved her so much.

Yet, is there anything that's not fair if a girl seeks what her hearts desire? She just doesn't care anymore. She couldn't be bothered about him. In her life now, in that present time, she already had a choice. She had better choices, she had better options to choose from. I don't need him, I want them.. anyone of them. Any one of them would just be fine.

There sure were the times where she'd feel sorry for treating him that way. She too realised that over the last few weeks she'd been neglecting him and not spending any time with him. She'd think of how much he tried to make her realise that she's been neglecting him, but well, that's just too bad isn't it..

She went out with one of the guys for a movie. He was the slightly taller one, more good looking one, the more talkative and fun among them. She once told 'him' earlier on that 'she'd never go out one-on-one with a guy' because it was a principle that she held firmly to, but she then betrayed and went against her own principle for the sake of going out with that handsome guy. She thought that she looked good with a tall handsome guy by her side. She thought that heads turn as she trotted proudly down the shopping mall on the way to the cinema. She felt that air of pride under her nose, and she thought that the skirt over her waist and the sleeveless shirt over her shoulders were just an added bonus to the onlookers.

He was a rich guy's kid. He drove a huge car and had plenty of cash in his wallet to spend. He gave her a treat to a nice lunch before the meal, and he paid for her tickets and the popcorn. He gave her expensive gifts that stunned her and blind her from reality, presents that would just take her breath away.

She had great fun that day. She sure had her fun, but she too realised that she didn't quite like him after all. He was good looking and tall, but after going out with him a few times and to a church concert, she found out that he was actually not quite a nice guy. He was mad, crazy, had some bisexual tendency and had wandering eyes. She could not take that. She could not accept the fact that the guy standing beside her was looking at other girls. I am the most beautiful girl, how dare you look at other people!

And she left him and decided to try out another one. The other guy was a little tougher. He had his principles right and he had his heart pretty well guarded. But I'll work my way to get him, she determined. And she smsed him day and night, the way she smsed with 'him' few months back. She took photos with him after fellowships, hoping that he notice her intentions. She thought that he noticed her efforts, but he just didn't show much response to it.

Maybe he's just shy.

He was cute, and he had good looks. He was talented and he could play almost all the musical instruments. He would sweep her off her feet when he strummed a lovely song on his guitar and she would just croon over him. She wanted him so badly now. He was just so perfect to her.

She thought he was, but he thought otherwise.

"I'm sorry, but .."

And that crushed her for good. She couldn't believe that someone would ever reject her. She was the most beautiful girl then, she had smooth skin, she had a big charming smile like what 'he' said..

"You're not beautiful.."

To 'him' she was the most beautiful one. Beyond what looks she had, 'he' saw beyond it all and loved her for what she was. Even when her beauty slowly fade, even as her fair skin became dull and the pimples started to resurface all over her face, 'he' blinded himself to all of those because he dedicated his feelings to her, 'he' gave his heart to her and 'he' wanted her to have it all.

But she threw it away for other hearts, other hearts which were more attractive and more alluring, forgettin that she just had no assurance to wining it.

And now as she realise that she was running out of options, she turned back to 'him'.

But 'him' was gone. 'He' left her and walked out of the relationship that she promised him. He gave up. He waited and was left to wait, and he walked out with tears. Tears not of regret, but his tears were tears of pain and hurts. Every thing she did tore 'his' heart to the bits, and 'he' had almost nothing left to hold on to.

Nothing would work out anymore. She remained silent for a long long time, leaving people to wonder, what happened to the once popular girl in high school? As her beauty fades, did 'he' leave her along with it, or did she wanted him to leave her so that she was free for the others?

Perhaps people will just be left to wonder. People just won't know the truth and the real story behind it. Now she cries no more. No longer do tears roll down her cheeks. All she does now is to stare into the blank and wonder about the things that she has done all in a matter of 2 months. 2 months, and things just change, either for the better or for the worse. From the fires he saved her love, and yet she threw it back into the flames. So badly she wanted her wings, and when her wings were given to her, she flew and flew and flew, not knowing that when the skies have no limits, it is the sun that burns the feathers.